As per usual, it was left to me to make sense of this very complicated scientific principle. Let me explain. Schrodinger said if you put a cat, some poison, a Geiger counter hitched up to a hammer and some radioactive substance in a steel box, the radioactive bit either will or won't decay. If it decays it sets in motion a reaction that will shatter the bottle of poison and the cat dies, if the radioactive bit doesn't decay, the cat lives. Like below:
Prawn aficionado, diva, grumpy, rude - but enough of the compliments, read on...
Monday 10 May 2021
Toffee Explains Schrodinger's Cat Theory
As per usual, it was left to me to make sense of this very complicated scientific principle. Let me explain. Schrodinger said if you put a cat, some poison, a Geiger counter hitched up to a hammer and some radioactive substance in a steel box, the radioactive bit either will or won't decay. If it decays it sets in motion a reaction that will shatter the bottle of poison and the cat dies, if the radioactive bit doesn't decay, the cat lives. Like below:
Monday 12 April 2021
Toffee Makes A Joke
Wednesday 7 April 2021
Toffee Executes Plan B
Yes, I am in an unusually good mood. It's only 7.30am and I have already grossed out the old man and the old woman. Cue evil laugh.
It was their own fault. I was up bright and early and where were they? Under the duvet, snoring, the pair of them. I tried everything short of putting a bomb under the bed. They are a peaceable pair and no bombs were forthcoming.
I went into the sitting-room and found three spiders - not hard to find spiders in this house, what with the abysmal level of housework. They're ex-spiders now. In fact, so ex are they that they ended up in my stomach. I found some fluff and swallowed that as well. Then - result - under the sofa was that dried up bit of pork I had been saving for a rainy day and forgotten about. That rainy day had arrived - it went down a treat.
I had a couple of gulps of water to make sure all the ingredients were nicely marinated, waited a few minutes, and puked half of it up in the old man's shoe and half in old woman's.
They overslept and were later running about like blue-arsed flies trying to get to work on time.
To say they weren't best pleased when they thrust their feet into their shoes was an under-statement. I didn't know they knew such language. The air turned blue and my ears turned red.
At least they weren't too rushed to forget to feed me. I'm now curled up on the settee, purring away, after I finally got my breakfast. Have a good day, Peeps.
➨You can follow me on Facebook, talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.
Monday 8 March 2021
Toffee's Scientific Fact
Scientists have proved beyond all reasonable doubt that you need to increase my prawn supply quite considerably or I will die from malnutrition. #ScientificFact #NotMadeUpAtAll #AbsolutelyTrue
Friday 22 January 2021
Toffee Cat's Busy Day
I have played with Mr Fluffy Bum. And I have circled the big cushion on the sofa, making a nice big round depression.
Mr Fluffy Bum |
Now I'm exhausted. Sleep. Need to sleep. Just a short 18-hour nap should do it.
Tuesday 1 December 2020
The Old Woman Decides To Exercise
Monday 23 November 2020
No More Little Toffee Cats
The old man and old woman watched a TV programme about animal instincts last night. The programme mentioned the – ahem – instinct to reproduce. Left to their own devices male cats spray to mark their territory. They fight, roam for miles and love a bit of howling, the louder the better. So they get the snip.
I'm happy to say that they can get the "snip" in order to stop all of the above. I have had the female equivalent so, sadly for the world, there will be no more little Toffees.
In any case, looking after kittens sounds exhausting. I'd much rather be indulging my instincts to sleep, eat and hunt.
* * * * * * *
Monday 9 November 2020
Toffee Cat's House Rules
Monday 2 November 2020
New Cat Food For Toffee
- Is it of an acceptable quality?
- Have you read the ingredients list?
- Have you tasted it?
- Does it have added vitamins?
- Is it cheaper than my old food?
- Did it come from a tin, pouch or foil tray?
- Do posh cats eat it?
- Could you put it on a silver plate?
Monday 28 September 2020
Toffee Cat's Facial Expressions
Wednesday 16 September 2020
Stop the cat burglar!
I'm livid.
I have my revenge planned. I'm going to lure him into the garden by dressing like this.
Thursday 10 September 2020
Toffee Cat Meets A Child
Monday 31 August 2020
Toffee Cat Never Makes A Mistake
Mistakes were made...but not by me. No, not ever. Never.
Have I mentioned I've written a book?
[Only every two minutes, says the old Woman.]
Take no notice of her, I'm sure I've barely mentioned it. Anywayyyy, I thought you might be interested in finding out what I was writing about this time last year, so here's my August 31st entry. You're welcome
August 31st
I never make mistakes. The old man and the old woman, may THINK I have made a mistake but they are wrong.
They may see me climb to the top of the bookcase and then, apparently, miss my footing and plummet to the floor. I have, however, done this completely on purpose. I am in training for the Purrlympics. Never heard of them? Well, we cats don’t like to brag about our athletic expertise but we hold several events every year. I am the world champion in the Three Metre Drop and aim to keep my title this year.The old man and the old woman may think my head is stuck in
a cardboard box. No, it is not. I can remove the box whenever I like. I am just
in here checking there are no insects stuck in the corners. It might take me
some time. Yes, I’m still looking. I know it’s been ten minutes but I am
nothing if not thorough. If you want to, you can take the box off me. I will
humour you and allow you to do that. Like, now? NOW!
One day the silly pair thought I had swallowed a bee by
accident. Hadn’t they heard that bee venom cures arthritis? I know my face blew
up like a balloon and they had to take me to the vet but that’s a small price
to pay for not having this debilitating illness. I am aware I don’t actually
have arthritis but this is merely proof that my preventative measure is
working.
They laugh when I apparently chase my own tail in the
mistaken belief it belongs to someone else. But what I am actually doing is
testing Dizziness Resistance. I must make sure that after four or five
head-spinning turns I can still stand up. I am doing this for YOU, old man and
old woman. What if, for example, I
spotted a mouse inside a-a-a spinning thing, how could I rescue you from the
little monster if I were having a dizzy spell? So, you see, I am doing it
all for you.
A little gratitude wouldn’t go amiss.
Soooo, if you want to read a book written by a brilliant cat author (MEEEE!), take a look. It's a BRILLIANT cat book, even if I do say so myself. I'm a funny cat!