Tuesday, 4 June 2019

Toffee Shares Her Wisdom About Doors

GOOD morning, kittens. Today I am going to teach you how to behave around doors.

You are young and at your stage of life probably think you have to wait patiently until your hooman opens a door. So one of the first skills you need to learn is how to get your pet hooman to open the door on command.

After all, you don't want to lose your dignity like the young chap below, do you?


Often all that is required is sitting in front of the door and meowing in your most annoying tone of voice. The times I've heard the words, "For goodness sake, Toffee, go outside if you're going to make that racket," before the door is flung open. 

Sometimes your pet hooman is on the opposite side of the door in a room you want to enter. The "annoying meow" tactic may work here too. Sometimes, though, they pretend they can't hear you. In which case you have to proceed to Stage Two. Start scratching the door. For some reason pet hoomans hate this and will rush to open the door before you have done more than make a few marks on it.

Other useful tactics include jumping up at the door handle, rubbing your hind feet on the floor as if you need a "comfort break" and sitting an inch from the door and glaring at it.

If the worst comes to the worst and your pet hoomans are so terminally stupid they don't understand what you want, you can always open the door yourself. This is tricky and will require practice but it's not impossible.

Now pay attention, class. This last module is the most important part of my lesson plan.

If your pet hooman has gone to a lot of trouble to open the door for you - maybe they were in the middle of a phone call, busy doing chores or engrossed in a TV show - it is imperative that as soon as the door is open you turn around and go back into the room.  You can, if you wish, stand or sit in the open doorway and stare out for quite considerable time while they wait (usually impatiently). However, the end result is the same. You end up back where you started from.

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  1. Brilliant post! My husband's boyhood cat would stand in the half open patio door all day if you let him, scratching at it regardless of which side he was on. I shared with him that Heinlein quote and he laughed heartily. Be well!

    1. Thank you, Darla. Your husband's cat sounds like my kind of guy!

  2. I think my cat Squiggles must have been the inspiration for this post. He's always demanding to be let out, or in, or out, or in. Ha, ha, ha! Linda.

    1. Meow, Linda. Squiggles (love the name!) is a very clever cat. Toffee.

  3. Great tips! My Sammy is tall so he jiggles the handle on the bathroom door.