Monday, 12 April 2021

Toffee Makes A Joke

Nice day today so I'm out in the garden surveying my territory. I'm in an unusually good mood as I've just chased that twit Rajah from next door back over the fence.

I've found some jokes for you (yes, ME!)

Here goes: 

What is brown and runs round the garden?
A fence

What kind of vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?

The old woman is making a  herb garden, putting all the plants in alphabetical order. Her neighbour asked how she found the time. She said: "It's right next to the sage."

There is a bird feeder in the garden
It also works as a cat feeder

Why is Incredible Hulk such a good gardener?
He's got green fingers.

I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens
I was raking it in

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi

What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming

What do you call a homeless snail? A slug

What do you call a cheerleading herb?
An encourage mint!

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants
But you've probably heard of herbivore

Why was the cucumber mad?
Because it was in a pickle!

What did the George Michael say to the gardener?
Rake Me Up Before You Hoe Hoe.

Did you hear about the gardener who went crazy?
He was hearing voices in his shed

Oo, I'm hilarious!

*     *     *     *     *     *    *
Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version. Or look HERE.


You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.