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Not So Sweet Toffee
Prawn aficionado, diva, grumpy, rude - but enough of the compliments, read on...
Thursday 30 November 2023
Toffee's Old Woman Misses A Deadline
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Monday 27 November 2023
Do Not Bell The Cat, Says Toffee
Dear Old Woman,
I couldn’t help but overhear the woman from number 42 suggesting you put a bell on me so that the birds can hear me coming.
Tell her to
mind her own beeswax, the interfering old biddy. I will not be wearing a bell.
What does she think I am? A church tower?
Toffee
Dear Toffee,
Don’t worry, we
won’t be putting a bell on you. There is no need these days. You are no longer
as sprightly as you were and I don’t think any birds are in danger – not unless
they inadvertently fly into your mouth. Ha, ha, ha!
The Old Woman
Fly into my mouth? Is she trying to be funny? If so, she’s not succeeding.
(This is from my book of Catty Conversations.)
Look at this:
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Tuesday 17 October 2023
Toffee's Empty Bowl
Dear Old Man,
What time are you
and the old woman getting home? I’m in danger of starving to death here. That
breakfast you left me was eaten by zombies while I was defending the homestead.
They must have crept in via the cat flap when my back was turned.
Mice ate all the
dry food.
I’m so hungry. My
life is hanging by a thread. I need prawns. Pick up a couple of packets on your
way home.
Toffee
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Thursday 12 October 2023
Toffee's Plant Skills
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Monday 9 October 2023
Toffee: Feline Guru
Toffee’s Advice Column
Dear Toffee,
I admire all that
you do, especially when it comes to feline activities around the home. I have followed
your lead and have taken to knocking a few things onto the floor, like books,
pens, a mug and a couple of ornaments.
My problem is
that when I tried to knock the big food mixer off the kitchen counter it was
too heavy.
Do you have any
recommendations for how to shift heavy objects?
Gerald
Whoa there, Gerald,
The object is to
be an endearing mischief maker not a complete barbarian.
You seem to be
doing well enough with the smaller stuff. Stick to that so that your people
aren’t tempted to swap you for a well-behaved rabbit.
Toffee
Look at this:
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Monday 25 September 2023
Toffee's Purrpetual Pest
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Tuesday 19 September 2023
Toffee's Messy Bed
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