It's obvious to all of you, I'm sure, but some humans need convincing that cats are better than dogs. I know, astonishing.
So let me give you some facts:
- Cats are independent and self-reliant. We can take care of ourselves, thank you very much, while dogs are needy and clingy. They follow their owners around like shadows, begging for scraps and belly rubs. Pathetic.
- Cats are intelligent and graceful. We have excellent problem-solving skills and can adapt to any situation. We can jump, climb, and balance on almost anything. Dogs are clumsy and dumb. They run into walls, chase their own tails, and eat anything they find on the floor. Disgusting.
- Cats are clean and elegant. We groom ourselves regularly and keep our fur shiny and smooth. We also use litter boxes and cover our waste. Dogs are dirty and smelly. They roll in mud, drool all over the place, and poop wherever they please. Gross.
- Cats show their appreciation in subtle ways, like purring, rubbing, and napping on their humans' laps. Dogs are fickle. They wag their tails at anyone who gives them a treat, bark at strangers, and bite their owners when they get angry. Rude.
- As you can see, cats are clearly better than dogs in every aspect. If you are a cat owner, you should be proud of your choice. If you are a dog owner, you should reconsider your life decisions. And if you are a dog reading this, you should bow down to your feline overlords.
Look at my new book, people!
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