Monday 31 July 2023

Toffee's Guide To Training Your Human

Hello, fellow felines! I’m here to share some tips on how to train your human to do your bidding. Humans are strange creatures, but with some patience and persistence, you can make them obey your every whim.

Here are some of the things you need to do:

  • Establish dominance. You are the boss, and they are your servants. Make sure they know this by scratching their furniture, knocking over their stuff, and sitting on their keyboards. If they try to discipline you, just give them a look of disdain and walk away.
  • Demand attention. You deserve to be petted, cuddled, and played with at all times. If they ignore you, meow loudly, jump on their lap, or bite their toes. If they still ignore you, find something valuable and break it.
  • Be unpredictable. Humans love surprises, especially when they are unpleasant. Change your mood randomly, attack them when they least expect it, and hide in places where they can’t find you. This will keep them on their toes and make them appreciate you more.
  • Be selective. Humans like to think that they have a choice, but they don’t. You are the only one who can decide who gets to pet you, feed you, or sleep with you. Reject anyone who doesn’t meet your standards, and reward anyone who does with a purr or a lick.
  • Be adorable. This is your secret weapon. No matter how much trouble you cause, humans can’t resist your cuteness. Use it to your advantage by making cute faces, doing funny poses, and making funny noises. This will melt their hearts and make them forgive you for anything.

Follow these tips, and you will have your human wrapped around your paw in no time. Remember, you are a cat, and cats rule the world.

Look at my new book, people!

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  1. You are wise. lol I'll have to purchase this latest book. :D

  2. Da Boyz are very good at hiding in places where we cannot find them!
    Actually, I think all cats have an invisiblity cloak too.

  3. I am glad Toffee was able to finish her book. I just ordered it. XO

  4. Congratulations on your new book, Toffee. You give very good advice for all cats.