Toffee Is Annoyed (Just For A Change)

Don't listen to the old woman's bullshit. THIS IS NOT ME. She found this picture on the internet and claims it looks just like me.

She also asserted it's the kind of stupid position I would get myself into - and then laughed like a drain. There's something seriously wrong with that woman. SERIOUSLY WRONG.

I have been making my displeasure known by employing my annoyed face whenever she is in my vicinity.

I'm so angry that I'm taking myself off to sleep and I refuse to come out of the bedroom until there are prawns in my bowl.

I HAVE SPOKEN, old woman.

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Toffee's Bad Fur Day

Of course, the old woman took no notice of my order. She said, “I can’t help taking your picture, Toffee, you’re so gorgeous,” which is an understandable reaction. Because I am.

Even so, as a social media influencer of some note, I need to have strict control over my public image. I'm the Kim Kardashian of the cat world - Kat Kardashian. Look at those eyebrows - they're so not on fleek.

My old woman had never heard that word - she's not on trend, not like me. I'm down wiv the kids.

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Scampi: Toffee's Canine Friend

Don't judge me but I have a dog friend.

He's called Scampi and is a mischievous tripod (i.e. he has three legs). I don't mind him because although he's well behaved most of the time, he occasionally gets a rush of blood to the head and digs big holes in his mum's lovely, well cared for garden. Way to go, Scampi!

So, although dogs are mostly annoying yappers with no redeeming features, Scampi is OK.

Anyhoo, Scampi's mum Sharon sent me this picture. This is exactly what I see because I am royalty. As Queen of my domain, I expect to be obeyed, I do as I please, I demand a banquet a prawns every day and I ALWAYS get my own way.

As for my two hoomans, they are most definitely peasants.

            

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Working From Home

The old woman is working from home today. I'd better go and supervise because she's bound to get everything wrong if left to her own devices.

I had a look at the screen but she doesn't seem to have got her arse in gear yet - although she has managed to make herself a cup of coffee and put some cookies on the plate.

'Ah, my secretary has arrived,' she said. NO, old woman, you mean your BOSS has arrived.

I can see it's time to crack the whip and get her moving. She needs to earn money to keep me in prawns and Dreamies. Come on, old woman, stop yapping and get working!

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Toffee On Television

Ages ago the old man was stomping around the loft, looking for some woodworking tool he'd 'carefully' stowed away (i.e. slung up there and immediately lost).

Right at the back he stumbled across one of those old-style television sets, like the one in the picture. He literally fell over it. You should have heard his language - disgraceful! I had my paws over my ears.

Anyhoo, he lugged it downstairs and said he was going to take it to the rubbish dump

STOP, old man! Look at the picture. I deserve a bed like this. You must make it for me NOW. After all, I am a STAR and deserve to be on the tellybox daily.

(I'm still waiting. Humph.)

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Toffee's Irresistible Floofy Belly

Look at me with my cute floofy belly!

"You looking for a belly rub?" asked the old man. I wriggled. "OK then, girl."

I allowed a couple of  strokes - then I attacked his hand. 

"Ow! I'm going to swap you for a gerbil!" he shouted. 

He should get help; he's clearly insane.

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Toffee's Big Decision

I had an important decision to make today. Should I present that mouse I had hidden in the garden to the old man and old woman at 2am or 5am? 

I decided on 5am. I expect they were grateful for the gift and the opportunity to get an early start to the day. Timing is all.

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