Toffee On Television

Ages ago the old man was stomping around the loft, looking for some woodworking tool he'd 'carefully' stowed away (i.e. slung up there and immediately lost).

Right at the back he stumbled across one of those old-style television sets, like the one in the picture. He literally fell over it. You should have heard his language - disgraceful! I had my paws over my ears.

Anyhoo, he lugged it downstairs and said he was going to take it to the rubbish dump

STOP, old man! Look at the picture. I deserve a bed like this. You must make it for me NOW. After all, I am a STAR and deserve to be on the tellybox daily.

(I'm still waiting. Humph.)

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Toffee's Irresistible Floofy Belly

Look at me with my cute floofy belly!

"You looking for a belly rub?" asked the old man. I wriggled. "OK then, girl."

I allowed a couple of  strokes - then I attacked his hand. 

"Ow! I'm going to swap you for a gerbil!" he shouted. 

He should get help; he's clearly insane.

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Toffee's Big Decision

I had an important decision to make today. Should I present that mouse I had hidden in the garden to the old man and old woman at 2am or 5am? 

I decided on 5am. I expect they were grateful for the gift and the opportunity to get an early start to the day. Timing is all.

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Toffee Is Training For Christmas

None of these little tree wreckers is me! It's not that I
 wouldn't be so naughty but that I would never get caught!

Hooray! Christmas is coming. The old man and old woman haven't yet put up the tree but I can't wait. I want to see if I can break my previous record of wrecking it in 5mins 6secs. 

I've been in training for the big day. This morning I swatted a vase off the bookshelf.  The old woman was furious. I may be a cat but I'm in the dog house. 

I don't know why she was so upset. It was a hideous vase so I've done her a favour.

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Not So Grumpy Toffee

I have an unjust reputation for being grumpy. I am not. It's just that I know what I want and I want it NOW! I don't suffer fools gladly. Is it my fault that 99 per cent of hoomans are fools? NO!

The old woman told me I have no people skills. I have people skills. It's just that you halfwits and nincompoops don't realise it.

To prove my point, I have included a picture of me smiling. Completely untouched photo, not altered in any way. It's all me.

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You Are Not the Boss of Me

This picture is not of me, obvs, but says all I want to say at the moment.

The old woman is grumbling about some infringement of the regulations she seems to think I have perpetrated.

She continually fails to understand that I am my own feline woman and do not take kindly to reprimands.

If there are any prawns missing from the bowl on the countertop, I cannot possibly admit to being a party to their disappearance.

Now please excuse me while I search out the snack I have hidden behind the sofa...

            

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Toffee's Funny Joke

PURR-PUL. Geddit? I'm so funny.

The old man was watching an old Youtube video of somebody called Richard Pryor and was laughing fit to bust. He's so easily amused, I despair of him sometimes.

Anyhoo, I thought to myself, I can do jokes. I could easily make a career of being a stand-up comedian. In fact, I showed you some of my routine in an earlier post. Have a look here.

Since then I have added another HILARIOUS joke to my repertoire (see picture). Come on, you gotta admit I'm the funniest feline on the planet. (Garfield? Who's Garfield?)

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