Toffee Is Training For Christmas

None of these little tree wreckers is me! It's not that I
 wouldn't be so naughty but that I would never get caught!

Hooray! Christmas is coming. The old man and old woman haven't yet put up the tree but I can't wait. I want to see if I can break my previous record of wrecking it in 5mins 6secs. 

I've been in training for the big day. This morning I swatted a vase off the bookshelf.  The old woman was furious. I may be a cat but I'm in the dog house. 

I don't know why she was so upset. It was a hideous vase so I've done her a favour.

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Not So Grumpy Toffee

I have an unjust reputation for being grumpy. I am not. It's just that I know what I want and I want it NOW! I don't suffer fools gladly. Is it my fault that 99 per cent of hoomans are fools? NO!

The old woman told me I have no people skills. I have people skills. It's just that you halfwits and nincompoops don't realise it.

To prove my point, I have included a picture of me smiling. Completely untouched photo, not altered in any way. It's all me.

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You Are Not the Boss of Me

This picture is not of me, obvs, but says all I want to say at the moment.

The old woman is grumbling about some infringement of the regulations she seems to think I have perpetrated.

She continually fails to understand that I am my own feline woman and do not take kindly to reprimands.

If there are any prawns missing from the bowl on the countertop, I cannot possibly admit to being a party to their disappearance.

Now please excuse me while I search out the snack I have hidden behind the sofa...

            

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Toffee's Funny Joke

PURR-PUL. Geddit? I'm so funny.

The old man was watching an old Youtube video of somebody called Richard Pryor and was laughing fit to bust. He's so easily amused, I despair of him sometimes.

Anyhoo, I thought to myself, I can do jokes. I could easily make a career of being a stand-up comedian. In fact, I showed you some of my routine in an earlier post. Have a look here.

Since then I have added another HILARIOUS joke to my repertoire (see picture). Come on, you gotta admit I'm the funniest feline on the planet. (Garfield? Who's Garfield?)

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A Clever Woman From Arkansas

Have a look HERE

One of the old woman's American blog followers (Arkansas Patty at https://thenewsixty.blogspot.com/) posted this lovely review of my book on her blog:

"I know most authors like you to read their book from cover to cover in one sitting. Sorry Toffee but I am savoring you like a fine wine. This book, written in diary form, is very funny and true of most cats. Toffee is a pistol who tells it like she sees it, sparing no feelings.

I read her between heavier books as kind of a mind cleanse. She makes me smile, giggle or just nod my head in agreement while giving Minnie knowing looks.

This is the perfect gift for someone who loves cats or for yourself like I did."

The old woman was extremely pleased and even I managed a smile!

http://bit.ly/wordsbytoffee

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Toffee And The Beautiful View

It was a lovely day with sun streaming in the window. From our house you can look across green fields, across woodland to moorland in the distance. The old man and old woman often stare out and say to each other, "Aren't we lucky to have this view?"

Lucky? They decided to live here, didn't they? They didn't move in and then the view popped up to greet them.

Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. The lovely day.

So the old woman was staring out, a vacant look in her eyes (usual expression) and says, "Budge up, Toffee, I want to see the view."

I stared back at her. You expect me to move when I am settled here on this exact spot?

I. AM. NOT. MOVING.

Why look at a field, old woman, when you can look at ME!

           

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Toffee Joins The Mika Grace Kelly Tik Tok Challenge

Have you seen that TikTok craze with people singing along to Mika's Grace Kelly song? I've done a video of my own. What do you think?

I can be brown, I can be blue, I can be violet skies - but most of all I can be ginger! Yes, I'm a stunning ginger cat!

            

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