Toffee's In A Spot Of Bother

Got told off by the old woman for scratching a door.

Speak to the paw, lady, speak to the paw.

➨You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

➨You don't want to miss my next post, do you?  Enter your email address below and you'll be alerted to my next words of wisdom.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Amazon's Best Kept Secret

 

Toffee The Wise One

I am so wise.

What?

You wanna make something of it?

➨You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

➨You don't want to miss my next post, do you?  Enter your email address below and you'll be alerted to my next words of wisdom.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Amazon's Best Kept Secret

Toffee Does The Housework

I was was in trouble yesterday after an "incident" involving some salmon fillets and my mouth. So, in order to make amends, I have been helping with the housework today.

I started in the sitting-room. I had a quick swish round with my paws, cleaning dust off the shelves - plus books, two ornaments and a stack of DVDs (I know, who still has stacks of DVDs? The old man and old woman think they live in the Middle Ages when it's just that they are middle-aged).

Then there was a tidy round in the kitchen. I cleared off the counters. That was easy although I must admit the pile of broken crockery on the floor looks a tad untidy. Still, there's plenty of worktop space now.

Into the bedroom and I thought I'd iron out the duvet by using the heat of my body. Yes, I lay on it and it was soft, so so soft....zzzzz.

I was awoken a few hours later by the old woman going mad and shouting, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, TOFFEE!"

I thought she'd be pleased.

Nope.

➨You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

➨You don't want to miss my next post, do you?  Enter your email address below and you'll be alerted to my next words of wisdom.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Amazon's Best Kept Secret

Toffee Adopts Older Pets

A few years ago I adopted two pets. I am sad to report that it is getting more obvious every day that they are both are getting past it. They are galloping full pelt towards senility, which is worrying. For me.

The first thing I noticed was that the hearing was going. They both ignored me as I meowed, and meowed, and meowed, and meowed, and meowed, and meowed while they were eating their prawn salad. Would it have killed them to have thrown one or two in my direction? Not only deaf - but, I hate to say it - tending on the cruel side.

Now the eyesight is becoming a problem. Yesterday the old man picked me up - as I allow him to from time to time - UPSIDE DOWN. The indignity. My ass was in his face and my head was on that huge round thing he calls a stomach. Then he dropped me. Good job I have the reflexes of a well-honed athlete or there could have been a nasty accident.

I am now afraid to sleep on their faces when they are in bed as they might stop breathing altogether. It's a worry. 

Even so, older pets have their advantages. For those of you who are unsure about adopting an older person, here is some information from Cats Protection. They seem to have mistakenly used the word "cat" instead of "person" and included other little typos like saying "litter box" instead of toilet so I have corrected these for you too. You're welcome.

The Adult Advantage

• An adult person's personality has already developed, so you'll know if he or she is a good fit for your family.
• An adult person  may very well already know basic household etiquette (like not attacking your feet at night). In particular, senior people are often already house trained and are less likely to "forget" where the toilet is.
• An adult person won't grow any larger - well, as long as it doesn't eat too much! - so you'll know exactly how much person you're getting.
• Adult people are often content to just relax in your company, unlike younger people, who may get into mischief because they're bored. Adult people also make great napping partners!
• Adult people have often already been taught that scratching posts (not furniture) are for scratching and toys (not hands or feet) are for biting.
• Adult people are harder to find homes for, and generally the older the person, the harder it is to rehome. When you adopt a senior person, you're truly saving a life.

➨You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

➨You don't want to miss my next post, do you?  Enter your email address below and you'll be alerted to my next words of wisdom.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Amazon's Best Kept Secret

Toffee And The Green-Eyed Monster

Jealous? Me? Don't be silly. I am The Special One. Why would I be jealous? It's a ridiculous notion.

I have never been jealous in my life. I am Toffee, Queen Of All I Survey.

I don't care if you pet other cats. Why would I? I know you would never replace me. I am Number One in your affections. Toffee Numero Uno. 

What time is it? What time are you coming home? Why are you late? Where have you been? I want a cuddle...

➨You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

➨You don't want to miss my next post, do you?  Enter your email address below and you'll be alerted to my next words of wisdom.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Amazon's Best Kept Secret

Toffee Says It's Not True

I am cross. It's not like me, I know, but I have been provoked. The old woman has been posting the below all over social media. IT'S NOT TRUE. It's a foul calumny. I have no idea what's she talking about. Not a clue.

The Life Of A Cat Owner

1. Lovingly rubbing your cat’s belly until it suddenly thanks you by clawing your arm into mince.
2. Wondering how you can ever thank your cat for its precious gift of a freshly decapitated pigeon delivered straight to your pillow.
3. Coming home to find someone has coughed up what appears to be Donald Trump’s hair on your carpet.
4. Never being quite sure if your cat likes you, or it’s trying to work out the best way to conquer then eat you.
5. Attempting to read a newspaper while your cat sets about trying to destroy it using only the top of its head.
6. Remembering the days when you woke up to an alarm clock rather than being repeatedly punched in the face.
7. Injuring your spine by sleeping in an S shape because your cat has commandeered the middle of the duvet.
8. Knowing that if you collapsed your cat would spring into action and use your body as a bed.
9. Spending mega bucks on new toys only for them to be snubbed in favour of a screwed up ball of paper and the thrill of an old box.
10. Returning home from holiday and being unsure whether your unforgiving cat will ever acknowledge your existence again.  

You might also like Toffee's Scientific Experiments.

➨You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

➨You don't want to miss my next post, do you?  Enter your email address below and you'll be alerted to my next words of wisdom.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Amazon's Best Kept Secret

Toffee Frightens The Children

The sun was shining so I was out in the garden today. It was lovely to feel the sun on my fur and I was soon fast asleep. But it wasn't so nice at around 8.30am when I was awoken by parents dragging their squalling brats to school.

The children spotted me and started calling to me, "Puss, puss, puss," as if I'm going to get up to greet a total stranger who hasn't even got some kind of catty foodstuff in its little hand.

Then I hit on a clever wheeze. I stretched out and twisted my body. Then, eyes wide open, fixed my stare on the garden fence. I held my breath.

"Mummy, mummy, there's a dead cat in that garden!" shouted a little girl. Then I suddenly leapt in the air and she screamed blue murder.

I was enjoying this and thought I could keep it up for ages. But then the old woman swooped down on me.

"I see what you're doing, Toffee," she said, "And you can stop it right now!"

She scooped me up and carried me into the house but at least I got a few treats in my bowl.

Same time, same place tomorrow?


➨You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

➨You don't want to miss my next post, do you?  Enter your email address below and you'll be alerted to my next words of wisdom.

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Amazon's Best Kept Secret