Tuesday, 10 September 2019

Toffee Says It's Not True

I am cross. It's not like me, I know, but I have been provoked. The old woman has been posting the below all over social media. IT'S NOT TRUE. It's a foul calumny. I have no idea what's she talking about. Not a clue.

The Life Of A Cat Owner
  1. Lovingly rubbing your cat’s belly until it suddenly thanks you by clawing your arm into mince.
  2. Wondering how you can ever thank your cat for its precious gift of a freshly decapitated pigeon delivered straight to your pillow.
  3. Coming home to find someone has coughed up what appears to be Donald Trump’s hair on your carpet.
  4. Never being quite sure if your cat likes you, or it’s trying to work out the best way to conquer then eat you.
  5. Attempting to read a newspaper while your cat sets about trying to destroy it using only the top of its head.
  6. Remembering the days when you woke up to an alarm clock rather than being repeatedly punched in the face.
  7. Injuring your spine by sleeping in an S shape because your cat has commandeered the middle of the duvet.
  8. Knowing that if you collapsed your cat would spring into action and use your body as a bed.
  9. Spending mega bucks on new toys only for them to be snubbed in favour of a screwed up ball of paper and the thrill of an old box.
  10. Returning home from holiday and being unsure whether your unforgiving cat will ever acknowledge your existence again.  
You might also like Toffee's Scientific Experiments.

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