I am cross. It's not like me, I know, but I have been provoked. The old woman has been posting the below all over social media. IT'S NOT TRUE. It's a foul calumny. I have no idea what's she talking about. Not a clue.
The Life Of A Cat Owner
- Lovingly rubbing your cat’s belly until it suddenly thanks you by clawing your arm into mince.
- Wondering how you can ever thank your cat for its precious gift of a freshly decapitated pigeon delivered straight to your pillow.
- Coming home to find someone has coughed up what appears to be Donald Trump’s hair on your carpet.
- Never being quite sure if your cat likes you, or it’s trying to work out the best way to conquer then eat you.
- Attempting to read a newspaper while your cat sets about trying to destroy it using only the top of its head.
- Remembering the days when you woke up to an alarm clock rather than being repeatedly punched in the face.
- Injuring your spine by sleeping in an S shape because your cat has commandeered the middle of the duvet.
- Knowing that if you collapsed your cat would spring into action and use your body as a bed.
- Spending mega bucks on new toys only for them to be snubbed in favour of a screwed up ball of paper and the thrill of an old box.
- Returning home from holiday and being unsure whether your unforgiving cat will ever acknowledge your existence again.
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