Scampi: Toffee's Canine Friend

Don't judge me but I have a dog friend.

He's called Scampi and is a mischievous tripod (i.e. he has three legs). I don't mind him because although he's well behaved most of the time, he occasionally gets a rush of blood to the head and digs big holes in his mum's lovely, well cared for garden. Way to go, Scampi!

So, although dogs are mostly annoying yappers with no redeeming features, Scampi is OK.

Anyhoo, Scampi's mum Sharon sent me this picture. This is exactly what I see because I am royalty. As Queen of my domain, I expect to be obeyed, I do as I please, I demand a banquet a prawns every day and I ALWAYS get my own way.

As for my two hoomans, they are most definitely peasants.

            

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Working From Home

The old woman is working from home today. I'd better go and supervise because she's bound to get everything wrong if left to her own devices.

I had a look at the screen but she doesn't seem to have got her arse in gear yet - although she has managed to make herself a cup of coffee and put some cookies on the plate.

'Ah, my secretary has arrived,' she said. NO, old woman, you mean your BOSS has arrived.

I can see it's time to crack the whip and get her moving. She needs to earn money to keep me in prawns and Dreamies. Come on, old woman, stop yapping and get working!

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Toffee On Television

Ages ago the old man was stomping around the loft, looking for some woodworking tool he'd 'carefully' stowed away (i.e. slung up there and immediately lost).

Right at the back he stumbled across one of those old-style television sets, like the one in the picture. He literally fell over it. You should have heard his language - disgraceful! I had my paws over my ears.

Anyhoo, he lugged it downstairs and said he was going to take it to the rubbish dump

STOP, old man! Look at the picture. I deserve a bed like this. You must make it for me NOW. After all, I am a STAR and deserve to be on the tellybox daily.

(I'm still waiting. Humph.)

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Toffee's Irresistible Floofy Belly

Look at me with my cute floofy belly!

"You looking for a belly rub?" asked the old man. I wriggled. "OK then, girl."

I allowed a couple of  strokes - then I attacked his hand. 

"Ow! I'm going to swap you for a gerbil!" he shouted. 

He should get help; he's clearly insane.

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Toffee's Big Decision

I had an important decision to make today. Should I present that mouse I had hidden in the garden to the old man and old woman at 2am or 5am? 

I decided on 5am. I expect they were grateful for the gift and the opportunity to get an early start to the day. Timing is all.

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Toffee Is Training For Christmas

None of these little tree wreckers is me! It's not that I
 wouldn't be so naughty but that I would never get caught!

Hooray! Christmas is coming. The old man and old woman haven't yet put up the tree but I can't wait. I want to see if I can break my previous record of wrecking it in 5mins 6secs. 

I've been in training for the big day. This morning I swatted a vase off the bookshelf.  The old woman was furious. I may be a cat but I'm in the dog house. 

I don't know why she was so upset. It was a hideous vase so I've done her a favour.

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Not So Grumpy Toffee

I have an unjust reputation for being grumpy. I am not. It's just that I know what I want and I want it NOW! I don't suffer fools gladly. Is it my fault that 99 per cent of hoomans are fools? NO!

The old woman told me I have no people skills. I have people skills. It's just that you halfwits and nincompoops don't realise it.

To prove my point, I have included a picture of me smiling. Completely untouched photo, not altered in any way. It's all me.

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