Cat is not me but is how I feel
Today is World Cat Day. I am not best pleased. In fact, I am furious.
Why? Because on the interweb thingy I found an article called Four Ways To Celebrate World Cat Day and so far my old man and old woman have TOTALLY IGNORED every single point.
Number One: Give gifts.
I'm waiting. I said, I'm waiting. I have yet to receive any kind of gift. Not even an extra few meaty chunks in my food bowl.
Number Two: Today is not a day for reprimanding your cat.
I have already been told off for walking over the duvet with muddy paws, sleeping on top of the clean laundry, spilling my food in a two foot radius of my bowl, scratching some hideous piece of furniture, biting some hideous hooman, sleeping on the keyboard of the laptop while someone is PRETENDING to work, leaving my toys all over the house etc, etc, etc.
Number Three: Forgo all rights to comfortable sitting/sleeping spaces and let your cat cuddle up wherever they want.
(See number two re duvet and laundry.) And, I might add, I was dumped off the sofa just because I was sitting on a magazine the old woman wanted to read. And the old man didn't want me sleeping on his head.
Number Four: Pamper your cat. Groom them endlessly with a soft brush, give them expensive and delicious food, buy them some new toys.
Nope. Nope. And nope. Not a brush, not a prawn and not a toy in sight.
Soooo. I'm plotting my cat revenge. Cue evil laugh...
* * * * * * *Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version.