Here in the UK we we are having a leadership contest for the Conservative Party and the winner will become Prime Minister. I've decided to stand for election.
Apart from me there are only two candidates, someone called Boris who looks like a demented tom cat who really ought to be neutered and someone called Jeremy who looks like the cat who got the cream.
I'm not sure cats are allowed to become Prime Minister but we felines could do no worse than the current crop of politicians who populate our parliament. Most of them don't know their arse from their elbow - or so I gather from the way the old man has been shouting at the tellybox.
I have formulated a manifesto and here's a brief resume:
- An unlimited supply of cardboard boxes.
- All furniture to be designated as scratching posts.
- Free run of the house for sleeping spots - including on people's heads, on their laptops, in the middle of the bed while people are in it, on the top of the expensive ornaments on the top shelf or on clean clothes in the laundry basket.
- Feeding on demand of fresh meat, fish and/or prawns with several treats thrown in at regular intervals.
- Compulsory stroking by humans for at least two hours a day.
- All dogs to be banished to a black hole in the universe from whence they will never return.
- The official reinstatement of the god-like status we enjoyed in ancient Egypt
So, don't forget, peeps. TOFFEE FOR PURRIME MINISTER.
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