Friday, 2 November 2018

Toffee And The Five-Second Rule

The old man dropped half a sausage roll on the floor, swooped down, picked it up and ate it. I didn't see anything wrong with that but the old woman went ballistic.

"That's disgusting!" she screamed. "What about all those germs! You'll make yourself ill!" On and on she ranted while the old man calmly carried on eating.

Then she said: "Yuk! Toffee's been walking over that floor."

My ears pricked up. Yuk? What do you mean, 'yuk'? I'll have you know I spent ten minutes this morning cleaning my paws. You could eat off my paws. My paws are cleaner than a sterilised piccalilli pickle jar.

The old man smiled. Wiped his hands down the side of his trousers and said: "Don't worry. I kept to the five second rule."

"Which is….?" she asked.

"If you drop something on the floor and pick it up within five seconds it's safe to eat. No bacteria. None. Zilch."

"That is patently ridiculous," the old woman replied. "If you get botulism and die a horrible death, rolling around in agony, it'll be your own fault." With that she filled a bucket with water and what looked like a gallon of disinfectant and got the mop.

"Horse. Bolted." said the old man, a comment which only made the old woman go redder and start scrubbing the floor as if she were expecting a visit from half a dozen crawling fragile babies.

The old man booted up the computer and found the flow chart at the top. He showed it to the old woman. She was not impressed. My paws, clean as they are, are now over my ears.

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