Toffee Catches The Sun

We are having a heatwave here in the UK. This is unusual. Anyone familiar with the UK will know we are more often having a downpour. Even when the sun shines, it often rains as well and my old woman says gaily, "Oh, it's a sunshine shower!" She's half a sandwich short of a picnic.

I'm usually searching hard for a sun puddle. Today, though, I am spoilt for choice, sun puddles all over the place. I have been sweating like a pig in a ginger coat (do pigs wear ginger coats? If not, they ought to) but I'm cooler now as all the doors are open and this very nice sun puddle comes with a breeze.

Wake me up when there are prawns in my bowl and not before.

   

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Toffee's Toy Story

 

The other day the old man and old woman were having a big tidy-up. The old man looked worried as he always does when someone called The-Mother-In-Law visits. She's very strict and she frightens him.

They were gathering my toys together into a cardboard box and I heard the old woman say: "What on earth does she do with all those toys we buy her?" 

She tilted the box and few furry mice and a half-chewed cardboard bird rolled to one side. She shrugged and carried on with the housework. I closed my eyes and started to dream about real mice and birds.

Suddenly my pleasant reverie was broken by a yell.

"TOFFEE!" 

What was wrong? I thought I'd better go and see so I strolled into the living room… and the picture above is very similar to what I saw. The old woman didn't have her camera ready (unusual; she's usually got it practically stuck up my nose or up my rear end) so she found this on the internet to show all her friends on Facebook. 

Personally, I think that's a sheer invasion of privacy. I AM NOT AMUSED.

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Toffee's Busy Day

Good morning, peeps, I trust you all slept well. I had a good night - slept for a couple of hours, got up at 4am and ran about the house before sitting on the old man's head. He moaned in his sleep and pushed me off. I got back on his head again, he pushed me off etc etc etc. Not once did he wake up properly.

Then I went back to sleep for a few more hours. Had my breakfast. Went back to sleep on the sofa.

This morning the old man was complaining about how tired he was and how he couldn't understand why. Then he started moaning about how much work he had to do today.

I know, old man, our days are SOOO busy.

     

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Toffee's Sacred Duty

The old woman says I've got this HALF right. What does she mean? Is she getting at me? I think she's getting at me...

I've had a good morning. I had a bit of a furball stuck in my throat but I managed to heave it up on the old man's chair. It'll be a nice surprise for him when he wants a sit-down. I tried to catch a bird in the garden, to no avail. Got my paws a bit muddy but I managed to wipe them off on the clean laundry. The old woman will be delighted that she doesn't have to get the cloth for my mucky feet.

Postscript: The old man was NOT pleased and the old woman shouted for an hour about having to "re-wash the clothes" or something like that. Anyhoo, I'm now giving them both my most "endearing" look - you know, head tilted, big eyes, downturned mouth.

The old man said, "What's the matter with you, Toffee? Have you got the belly ache?" WHAT?!

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A Downton Abbey Cat

I see there is a new Downton Abbey film, Downton Abbey: A New Era.  The old woman calls me a Downton Abbey cat because - she maintains - I have servants catering for my every need. I beg to differ. When my "every need" includes a daily diet of prawns, the servants are sadly lacking. I'm living with commoners not nobility.

You see, people, that's my problem. Yes, I'm a Downton Abbey cat but I'm living in a Simpsons house - a caviar cat with a chicken chunks diet. It's just not good enough.

I need a butler like Downton's Carson to wait on me hand and foot so I can live a refined life as befits my status. I can say, "Bring me caviar, Carson," and it appears in a silver dish, not my usual gunk in a plastic bowl.

A Carson could bring me food whenever I needed it. When he was not serving me food, he could position himself at doors to open them at my command. He would never grumble when I ask to be let out and then sit in the doorway for five minutes and walk back in again. Yes, old man, I'm talking about YOU!

So, Carson, now that you've made your little film, please pop around to my house. I am desperately in need of a butler.

*     *     *     *     *     *    *

   

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Toffee's Prawn Habit

I'm quite partial to a prawn. The old man and old woman say I eat too many and I'll end up looking like a prawn. I ask you, do I look like a prawn? They're such bullshitters sometimes.

Anyhoo, the old woman is wittering on - something about some prawns going missing. I put my paws over my ears because I don't need that level of negativity in my life.

Gotta go, I need to find a toothpick, something is stuck in my teeth...

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Wake Up Call

The old man and old woman are both stomping around this morning. They are staring at me and frowning as if I've done something wrong.

I can't think what it is. Admittedly, I woke them at 4am and kept meowing until they fed me.

But I thought they'd be pleased to get an early start to the day. Apparently not. There's no pleasing some people.

       

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