More Of A Cat Lady than Catwoman

This is not the old woman, it is Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman.
I repeat, IT IS NOT THE OLD WOMAN.

The old woman is an admirer of Michelle Pfeiffer in her role as Catwoman. She fancies herself in skintight black leather (oh dear God, no!). Unfortunately, she's more of a cat lady than Catwoman. 

So forget the cat suit and the stiletto-heeled boots, the old woman wears trousers with pulled threads - where I've scratched her leg to get attention - and a liberal covering of cat hair. There's no expensive perfume floating around her in a gentle sensual aroma. She smells of stale tuna and Febreze.

Catwoman purrs her words in a seductive growl. Cat lady is either shouting, "Get down from there, you'll break the vase Aunt Winnie gave us," screaming, "Get that mouse out of my house!" or yelling, "EW! I've just stepped in a pile of vomit." (What IS her problem?)

This Cat Lady is Robert De Niro in a Saturday Night Live sketch.

 It is not the old woman, although there is a striking resemblance.

Catwoman's house is state-of-the-art with every gadget imaginable. My cat lady's house has scratched furniture, cat toys strewn around the floor, the occasional pile of cat vomit  and dismembered remains of tiny animals under the sofa.

I'm sure there must be many more differences, but I haven't got time to think of them now, I must go and attract the old woman's attention. My food bowl requires filling. NOW, old woman, not next week. (Honestly, you just can't get the staff these days.)

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