- Is it of an acceptable quality?
- Have you read the ingredients list?
- Have you tasted it?
- Does it have added vitamins?
- Is it cheaper than my old food?
- Did it come from a tin, pouch or foil tray?
- Do posh cats eat it?
- Could you put it on a silver plate?
Prawn aficionado, diva, grumpy, rude - but enough of the compliments, read on...
Monday 2 November 2020
New Cat Food For Toffee
Monday 28 September 2020
Toffee Cat's Facial Expressions
Wednesday 16 September 2020
Stop the cat burglar!
I'm livid.
I have my revenge planned. I'm going to lure him into the garden by dressing like this.
Thursday 10 September 2020
Toffee Cat Meets A Child
Monday 31 August 2020
Toffee Cat Never Makes A Mistake
Mistakes were made...but not by me. No, not ever. Never.
Have I mentioned I've written a book?
[Only every two minutes, says the old Woman.]
Take no notice of her, I'm sure I've barely mentioned it. Anywayyyy, I thought you might be interested in finding out what I was writing about this time last year, so here's my August 31st entry. You're welcome
August 31st
I never make mistakes. The old man and the old woman, may THINK I have made a mistake but they are wrong.
They may see me climb to the top of the bookcase and then, apparently, miss my footing and plummet to the floor. I have, however, done this completely on purpose. I am in training for the Purrlympics. Never heard of them? Well, we cats don’t like to brag about our athletic expertise but we hold several events every year. I am the world champion in the Three Metre Drop and aim to keep my title this year.The old man and the old woman may think my head is stuck in
a cardboard box. No, it is not. I can remove the box whenever I like. I am just
in here checking there are no insects stuck in the corners. It might take me
some time. Yes, I’m still looking. I know it’s been ten minutes but I am
nothing if not thorough. If you want to, you can take the box off me. I will
humour you and allow you to do that. Like, now? NOW!
One day the silly pair thought I had swallowed a bee by
accident. Hadn’t they heard that bee venom cures arthritis? I know my face blew
up like a balloon and they had to take me to the vet but that’s a small price
to pay for not having this debilitating illness. I am aware I don’t actually
have arthritis but this is merely proof that my preventative measure is
working.
They laugh when I apparently chase my own tail in the
mistaken belief it belongs to someone else. But what I am actually doing is
testing Dizziness Resistance. I must make sure that after four or five
head-spinning turns I can still stand up. I am doing this for YOU, old man and
old woman. What if, for example, I
spotted a mouse inside a-a-a spinning thing, how could I rescue you from the
little monster if I were having a dizzy spell? So, you see, I am doing it
all for you.
A little gratitude wouldn’t go amiss.
Soooo, if you want to read a book written by a brilliant cat author (MEEEE!), take a look. It's a BRILLIANT cat book, even if I do say so myself. I'm a funny cat!
Saturday 8 August 2020
Toffee And World Cat Day
Wednesday 29 July 2020
Toffee Cat Finds A Grass Snake
I was out and about in the early hours of the morning, roaming around my territory, making sure no interloper was hiding (you know who you are, stupid neighbour cat Rajah) when I spotted a snake in the grass.
This snake though, was going nowhere and hurting no one. It was a dead as a door nail, as dead as a dodo, it was deceased, it was an ex-snake.
I am such a kind and generous cat that I decided to share this grass snake with my old man and old woman. It may have been dead but it wasn't easy wrestling that snake through the cat flap, into the house and up the stairs.
I didn't have time to gift wrap it but I laid it gently on the pillow between the old man and the old woman and prodded them both with my paw to wake them up.
What a kerfuffle! The old woman screamed loud enough to wake the dead (although not quite loud enough to wake a dead grass snake - she should have upped it a few decibels). And the old man started swearing - words I cannot repeat in a family blog. The next thing I knew the snake was flying through the window and landed on the grass near enough where I had picked it up in the first place.
So that was my morning. A load of effort for no return; a gift rejected; and a snake lying dead in the grass.
Monday 20 July 2020
Toffee Cat Samples The Pudding
I don't have a sweet tooth, which is not surprising as cats don't have sweet taste receptors in their tongues (read THIS if you want to know more, See, this cat blog is educational as well as entertaining).
Even so... the old woman made Sticky Toffee Pudding today and I thought I'd see if it was as disgusting as it looked. To be honest, most of her cooking looks pretty dire - she's not the best cook in the world.
So I had a crafty lick when no one was looking. I have now discovered why it is called ‘sticky’ toffee pudding because most of it is now stuck to pillows, chairs and my fur.
I am, indeed, a sticky Toffee. I'm a funny cat!
➨You can follow me on Facebook, talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.
Monday 6 July 2020
Toffee Cat Does Not Have A Big Bum
Me: Does my bum look big in this picture?
Old woman: I’m pleading the fifth amendment.
Me: What’s that?
Old woman: That I refuse to answer on the grounds it might incriminate me.
Me: So you think my bum is the perfect size.
Old woman: Well……
Tuesday 30 June 2020
Toffee And The Empire State Building
Thursday 25 June 2020
Toffee Wants A Sling
Monday 1 June 2020
Toffee Helps With The Gardening
Busy in the garden |
The old woman works from home so I'm used to having her under my paws all day. In fact, it's quite handy as I get food on demand. All I have to do is sit beside her desk and meow piteously and she always obliges.
Since this coronavirus thing, though, the old man has been at home too and he's a completely different kettle of fish. He has the attention span of a gnat and has been roaming about getting in the way all day, trying to make me play when all I want to do is sleep.
Luckily he was annoying the old woman so much she set him to work in the garden. He spent all morning digging and then planting seeds in neat rows. I, in an error of judgement I soon came to regret, spent all afternoon digging them up again. How was I to know it wasn't some kind of bizarre hooman game?
My task done, I padded inside to recover from my exertions with a little nap. But then came a yell outside from the old man. ‘Noooooooo!’
I skedaddled and laid low under the bed in the guest bedroom until evening. The old man and old woman must have been worried because they were outside calling me. Naturally, I ignored them. When I finally emerged from my hidey hole they were so pleased to see me they forgot about my earlier transgressions.
➨You can follow me on Facebook, talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.
Tuesday 12 May 2020
Toffee's Funny Meow
I accidentally did a funny little meow. The old man and old woman meowed back trying to get me to do it again. Went on for ages. Will you tell them two grown people have been meowing at each other for the last 10 minutes, or shall I?
- Have you missed me? I took a few days off after taking part in the A to Z Challenge (there's a list of them on the side somewhere). Twenty-six posts in 26 days. TWENTY-SIX. Nearly killed me. Then someone mentioned I could have completed a load of them in advance - now you tell me...