Tuesday 30 June 2020

Toffee And The Empire State Building


If you’ve been trying to get hold me and I haven’t responded, it’s because I have been busy sight-seeing in New York. My visit to the Empire State Building was interesting. I could see the whole of the city from up there. 😹😹😹
The old woman muttered something about me being a monster at the best of times - which I’m taking as a compliment.
I have to confess. I haven’t really turned into a giant cat (shock). This is a photoshopped picture that was shared on Twitter by Michael’s Cat (@michaelscat2).
Some of the comments on the tweet made the old woman laugh:

I welcome our feline overlords.

That's fake....the cat is actually that big.

I will obey them like I would no person ever!! I believe in their magical wisdom.

Best thing to do on Twitter.

Oh! I want that! More to hug.

Catzilla.

Cat Kong.

This was the old woman's favourite: “Correction: You photoshopped the Empire State Building onto your giant cat!”
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Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version.


            
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Thursday 25 June 2020

Toffee Wants A Sling

I’m trying to persuade the old man to buy one of these. So far he does not seem interested and is happy to dump me off his lap whenever he gets up. Such treatment is unnecessary.
It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't such a flibbertigibbet. I get settled down and he wants to pee. I settle down again and he needs a snack. I get back on his lap and he decides he wants a cup of tea to go with the snack. Why he couldn't get the both together is beyond me; he is a stranger to forward planning.
I think some kind of sling like the one above would create minimal disruption and if he was careful, wouldn't even wake me up. Come on, old man, get a grip.By the way, not one to blow my own trumpet but… my book (search NOT SO SWEET TOFFEE on Amazon) has had another 5* review. It says: “Toffee has her humans trained well, but they are slow learners and she still has her work cut out I think. They're a work in progress for sure. I found myself sniggering and chortling and I quite embarrassed myself to be honest. But Toffee is a treat! I will not let my cat anywhere near this book, though, as he doesn’t need any new ideas!”
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Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version.


            
You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

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Monday 1 June 2020

Toffee Helps With The Gardening



Busy in the garden

The old woman works from home so I'm used to having her under my paws all day. In fact, it's quite handy as I get food on demand. All I have to do is sit beside her desk and meow piteously and she always obliges.

Since this coronavirus thing, though, the old man has been at home too and he's a completely different kettle of fish. He has the attention span of a gnat and has been roaming about getting in the way all day, trying to make me play when all I want to do is sleep.

Luckily he was annoying the old woman so much she set him to work in the garden. He spent all morning digging and then planting seeds in neat rows. I, in an error of judgement I soon came to regret, spent all afternoon digging them up again. How was I to know it wasn't some kind of bizarre hooman game?

My task done, I padded inside to recover from my exertions with a little nap. But then came a yell outside from the old man. ‘Noooooooo!’

I skedaddled and laid low under the bed in the guest bedroom until evening. The old man and old woman must have been worried because they were outside calling me. Naturally, I ignored them. When I finally emerged from my hidey hole they were so pleased to see me they forgot about my earlier transgressions.

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Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version.


            

You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

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Tuesday 12 May 2020

Toffee's Funny Meow



I accidentally did a funny little meow. The old man and old woman meowed back trying to get me to do it again. Went on for ages. Will you tell them two grown people have been meowing at each other for the last 10 minutes, or shall I?
  • Have you missed me? I took a few days off after taking part in the A to Z Challenge (there's a list of them on the side somewhere). Twenty-six posts in 26 days. TWENTY-SIX. Nearly killed me. Then someone mentioned I could have completed a load of them in advance - now you tell me...  
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Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version.


            
You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.

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Thursday 30 April 2020

Toffee Is A Zen Master



[Post written for Z in the A to Z Blog Challenge.]



"Toffee is very zen, isn't she?" said the old woman to the old man as I lay contentedly between them with my head in her lap.

"What the hell does that mean?" he asked. I was wondering that too. If it's nothing to do with prawns, I'm not interested.

She flustered a bit. "It's when, you know, when people - well, and cats - are, you know, like zenlike."

"Clear as mud," he replied.

She proceeded to look up the definition on the internet. "It says here it's a Japanese school of Mahayana Buddhism emphasizing the value of meditation and intuition rather than ritual worship or study of scriptures," she said triumphantly.

"Still clear as mud," said the old man. "But she certainly 'meditates' a lot if you can call sleeping meditating." He laughed as if he'd said something funny. He hadn't.

I leapt up and raced full pelt to the kitchen, skidding to a halt beside my food bowl. I meowed very loudly to draw attention to the fact that I was in imminent danger of starving to death.

I could hear the old man laughing and then saying, "She's not very zen now, is she?" The old woman sighed loudly as she strode into the kitchen to remedy the error of an empty bowl.

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Wednesday 29 April 2020

Y is for Yoga


He makes it look so easy

I HAVE noticed over the last few months that my normally sleek, well-toned physique has become a little fluffy around the edges. I blame the old man and the old woman (who else) for allowing me too many treats like cheese and sausage off their plates. In an  effort to regain the body of a lean, mean fighting machine, I have taken up yoga.

There are many poses suitable for a fit young girl like me. I don't mind the Crane and the Cobra but I draw the line at the Downward Dog pose. I have my standards.

So here are a few of the poses I have been trying out:

Inhale


Exhale



Balance



And relax...


My blog That's Purrfect is also in the A to Z Challenge. Read it here www.thatspurrfect.co.uk
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Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED blah, blah, blah. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version.


            


You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.


Tuesday 28 April 2020

X is for eXperiment



My friend is caught in the act - note contrite expression.

Here is an excerpt about experiments from my book. 'A book?' You ask. 'Has Toffee written a book?' Yes I have!  See adverts all over this blog. Well, I didn't want anyone to miss the fact that I HAVE WRITTEN A BOOK.


In order to increase the sum of human knowledge, I have been investigating the effects of gravity on random objects.

The results of my experiments:

Coffee mug. Will break. Effect: Liquid content will spread and stain pale rug. Secondary effect: The old woman will scream and rush to get the carpet cleaner.

Jar of jam/jelly. Will break. Effect: Floor becomes sticky. Very sticky. Secondary effect: If anyone (*looks innocent) walks through it they will leave jammy footprints all over the house.

Newspaper. Will fall apart. Effect: The old man will bundle it back together again while swearing. Quite loudly. Secondary effect: The old man will start reading an article and become very confused  because he's got the pages in the wrong order.

Glass bowls. Will break. Effect: The old woman will be upset because it was a gift from Aunt Maud. Secondary effect: The old man will do a fist pump because he's always hated it.

Pillow. Will fall and look very inviting. Too inviting. Effect: Zzzzzzzz.Secondary effect: Zzzzzzzz.

I'm thinking of changing my name to Einstein.


My blog That's Purrfect is also in the A to Z Challenge. Read it here www.thatspurrfect.co.uk


*     *     *     *     *     *    *
Well, I've finally done it. I have written my no-holds-barred exposé of my life. Prepare to be AMAZED, prepare to be SHOCKED, prepare to be ENTHRALLED. Left is the paperback, right is the Kindle version.


            
You can follow me on Facebook,  talk to me on Twitter, and idolise me on Instagram.