Monday, 14 January 2019

Toffee Is Not Lost In Translation


Did you hear that some IDIOT has invented a collar that can "translate" cat meows into words? Unnecessary. Is there a cat in the world that can't immediately make its views known?

I carry on long conversations with both the old man and the old woman. In  fact, sometimes when I am in the kitchen with the old woman discussing the merits of  meaty chunks in gravy versus fish pate, the old man will shout from the sitting-room, "Who are you talking to?" She replies, "Toffee!" and he doesn't bat an eyelid.

They know when I am cross with them - one glare from my amber eyes and they are suitably chastened. And they know when I chirrup I am exceedingly happy - probably because I've just seen off that twit Rajah (Oo, I'm Half Persian) from next door.

I "tell" them when I've had enough of my tummy being tickled by digging my claws into their hands - they always get the message. I can easily inform them when I want to go into a room by scratching the door - they run to open it for me.

They know when I'm hungry; I sit accusingly in front of my EMPTY bowl. They know when I'm not well - piles of vomit can speak volumes. And they can easily ascertain when I want to play because I'm either sat on top of the bookcase waiting to pounce, chewing the old man's hair from the back of the sofa or chasing a small ball around as fast as a cheetah after an antelope.

So I may not speak actual words but by sign language, gestures and body language, we communicate perfectly well.

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